Buddha Park, also known as Spirit City (Xieng Khuan), is a sculpture park located 25 km southeast of Vientiane, a small city that sits along the Mekong River in Laos. The park was started in 1958 by Luang Pu Bunleua Sulilat who was a priest-shaman. The park displays over 200 Buddhist and Hindu statues of deities, along with other beautifully carved strange figures. The main attraction is the giant reclining Buddha resting on the grass (first photo).
Tiff of the day, and most likely for the next several months, feeling uncomfortable in my own home. Not much to say because I’m trying to separate it from my mind, which isn’t too hard with multiple personalities, always trying to focus on a million other things at a time. A thought rummaging through my mind at the moment though, if your home is were you are most at peace, the happiest…do I no longer have a home?
A line I basically live by… From a song titled who you are.
I don’t truly know who I am, not anymore at least, but I try, I try so hard. I’m lost I feel alone, I want to fit in so badly, try to be like everyone else, to blend, but when I try something inside tells me to grow the fuck because my life is no longer my own, nor has it ever been. Most days not belonging to myself pushes me just a little bit harder, but some days it’s not enough. Some days, I want someone to be there for me like I am always there for them. I’m willing to wait for someone to see the monster raging within me, to tell it to stop just so I can have a minute to myself, a minute to breathe. Once upon a time I think I knew who I was but…I don’t know how to find her again so for now…for now I will keep pushing through until one day where I break…or find the little girl who’s still waiting for someone to ask me, REALLY ask me. Are you…ok?